Funny how, when new things happens in your life, you never know beforehand where they might lead you, and what they will bring to you, or how they will change you. Truth is, the way I happened to start watching Supernatural was, back then, something I’d qualify as pretty random. It was there, I was in need of something to numb the world around me, and it had enough material to quiet it down for quite a while. There, deal. It was the single most normal thing I could do.
And I had no idea about how it would change, well, everything. How could have I even suspected it ? I’ve been a fan of TV shows for twenty-something years now, and the process of starting to love a show was so very usual for me. Maybe I expected Supernatural to fall in line with those other shows. You know, it’s cool, I want the DVD’s and maybe I’ll buy a couple of books. That, I could fathom. It was a possibility, and a fairly honest one too. Supernatural was pretty much made for me, as so many themes of the show are just hitting the right spot. Monsters, ghosts, demons, and a horror movie vibe ? Bring it on, baby. Textbook me. So, yeah, I’d probably like it.
Maybe I’d even love it.
And that, my friends, was my first mistake. And the biggest one.
Supernatural should come with a warning. And not a light one. A big, neon-bright warning with flashing lights that requires a signature, a blood sample and your bank account number before you’re even allowed to access the first season.
Dear friend, your existence is about to get twisted upside down, your whole world is about to change, and in about, what, three days, you are going to question how you even lived this long without having this gem of a show around. Oh, and you are going to ugly cry the volume of a small lake every three episodes, your emotions are about to get all over the place, you are going to be psychologically tortured in every single way and you will ask, no, you will BEG for more. Say goodbye to your life as you knew it, because it’s probably gone already.
I wish someone would have warned me. Not that it would have changed anything, but, you know…Just to get an idea about what I was about to be put through.
Oh, you know, not much. You are going to fall in love with the brothers so, so hard, they are going to become your absolute favorite characters in the history of television, and a part of your life so vivid and important they’re going to become a family, and you are going to see them go through hell (literally, hahaha) and suffer unbearable losses and pains and get tortured time and time again and make choices (not always the good ones, btw) and DIE several times over, and it’s going to hurt like a bitch every damn time, and you are going to be given magical new characters AND YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE THEM ALL and you know what ? You are going to love this so much (and your weekly budget of tissue boxes is going blow a hole on your bank statement) and you are going to fall in love all over again episode after episode after episode. Oh, and you’re about to get the greatest gift a TV-show fan could possibly get : you’re going to bond your soul forever with one of the brothers, and love endlessly the other one regardless.
When I started that blog, my main objective was to keep track of the way I was falling in love with Supernatural. Back then, everything was so big and so strong and so magical, I could only consider that it was gonna slow down…Because that’s the natural order. You discover the thing, the thing do you some good, then the thing become normal, and if you’re lucky, the thing will sometimes shine a little brighter and it will make you so happy. That’s how things works.
Supernatural is the fucking sun. Once it starts shining for you, you’re done. Darkness is gone forever.
It. Does. Not. Slow. Down.
It. Does. Not. Stop.
It. Does. Not. Even. Take. A. Goddamn. Break.
It’s there, it’s everywhere, and it’s only going to get bigger and deeper and ridiculously good, and it’s making your whole world go round on a different axis. And it’s making it better. So, so, so much better.
Within seven days, I went on an Amazon spree that put my credit card into a coma.
Within ten days, a growing pile of DVD’s was blossoming, right next to an even bigger pile of books.
Within fifteen days, I was already so consumed by the Winchester’s light that I went through twelve hours of what is considered as one of the worst pain to inflict a human being without losing my mind.
Within twenty days , the walls of the living room were being entirely re-decorated. Please take into account that they’ve been in the nude for seven years. Half would be reserved for The Walking Dead, despite the fact that the show’s importance and hegemony was rapidly declining. It took ten more days to actually get rid of anything non-Winchester. As we speak, I’m being watched over by 51 Sam, 49 Dean, a dozen of Castiel and five Crowley.
Within the first month, and while we were barely reaching the 10th season, I’ve received in the mail my very first iPhone case. Ever. I’ve never had one I actually picked and chose. My current case is a still from the season 5 finale, and every time I look at it, I can literally feel the influx of love I have for this show running through my veins. It’s physical. And so much bigger than me.
Late august, we started to fall into Creation’s beautiful, beautiful net, and Sundays became a million times funnier and happier than they’ve ever been. I’ve always thought that Stephen was the king of all things conventions, I was so wrong. They’re called Ackles and Padalecki, and I already owe them some of the purest of my laughs in a long, long time. Creation pretty much taught me what it was to fall in love head first for the both of them, and I could never, ever suspect that those two were going to add another touch of extraordinary to something that was already anything but ordinary.
In early September, I’ve reached the finale of the 12th season. It took us six weeks, almost to the day, to watch the monster that this show is, from the first episode, to the 264th. For the first time of my entire life, I love each and every single one of all the episodes of a show. There’s literally nothing to throw away. I’ve found what could possibly be the equivalent of a soulmate in episode form. Nothing, and when I say nothing, I mean not a damn thing, has, can, or will ever come close to how perfect this show is. Supernatural is an absolute masterpiece, one that’s massively underrated because of the genre and it’s nothing but a cosmic injustice. This sucks. Because the actors are all, without a single exception, so much better than anything I could possibly dream of, and don’t even get me started on my two amazing, beyond gifted, fabulous lead. They’re not good, they’re perfect. Jared has the literal capacity to play nearly ten versions of Sam, all divergents and yet all perfectly connected, and he is so ridiculously good at it he even looks different from one version to another. And as for Jensen, never, ever has an actor had this capacity to destroy me out of the blue while showing Dean’s emotions. The lack of recognition from the major awards is a travesty, and proving how out of touch they are with what IS talent. I feel so, so grateful for even getting the chance to experience something so good and so amazing. Six weeks was all it took to pick up the pieces of me scattered around, and to glue them back together, and to fix most of what was going so wrong with me. Oh, and the minute we reached the end of season 12’s finale (and holy hell, what an episode), we immediately started a second rewatch, meaning that we watched back to back 1223 and 101. And guess what ? The magic didn’t fade. Actually, it’s even bigger and better and deeper the second time. But on top of all of those things that are so beautiful they’re barely believable, Supernatural gave me something, someone that I didn’t even knew I missed, but who’s become the most important character of my entire life, and the one I can’t believe I’ve lived so long without. I did fall in love with characters in the past, but this never got much further than a few shared emotions, and a couple of mirroring situations. But this one…This one just soothe my soul and comfort me in so much of my own struggles and my own battles, sometimes, it’s just plain scary to feel so connected and so bonded with someone who hunts monsters for a living.
Supernatural gave me Sam Winchester, and this is the kind of gifts you just can’t repay.
A week later, as I was reading Family Don’t End With Blood, the most essential book I’ve ever read, a collection of essays from fans and actors on how Supernatural changed their lives, I’ve been hit by another two strikes of magic, and keep in mind that at this point of the story, I was already so overwhelmed with hundreds of feelings and millions of emotions I didn’t knew I could even take more. Oh, I did. First by feeling accepted as I am for the first time of my entire life, and understanding that rather than a liability, being a fan is an asset. A power. A superpower.
Then, as I was barely recovering from the constant flow of emotions this book generates, I suddenly noticed that maybe, just maybe, Sam Winchester wasn’t the most amazing thing that could happen to me. Jared was. And he is, and he is going to remain there for a long, long time, that I can assure. He wrote the most beautiful, personal, heartbreaking and heartwarming all at once essay, and his words hit me just the right way to actually fix me. Very few things are as powerful as feeling almost brutally wrecked by his words, quite simply because it was the closest anyone has ever reached to understand the depth of my own pain, and the consequences on my own life, and it was coming from someone whose work, and ultimately, alter-ego, mattered so much for me already. He just connected all the dots, and helped me connect mine. The last couple of dozens pages of this book are, and by far, the most important I have ever read. He helped me figure out a lot of things that neither therapy, nor drugs could highlight, and I am filled with gratitude.
All in all, Supernatural is the one thing that saved my life when I was desperate for anything to even try to. The further I go, the bigger it gets, and I don’t even feel like I’m humanly capable to take it all in. It is so much, and it is so good.
Another week later, my best friend woke me up with the most insane of all news : after twelve years, Creation was crossing the pond and Birmingham would welcome the very first European official Supernatural convention in early May. I was already dizzy with joy when she confirmed to me who the first two announced guests were. Jensen. Jared. I shook my head in disbelief, probably looked like I’ve been hit by a truck for a couple of hours before the news settled in. My plans for 2018, namely Walker Stalker in march and Heroes and Villains in may were already swaying, and I wasn’t complaining. I was high on love, impatience and joy.
A curious collection of Funko Pop characters are slowly invading the flat, and most of our mugs now proudly announce that this home has been struck by the Supernatural lightening. 2018’s calendar, once supposed to be The Walking Dead, is theirs, and it only make sense, because my 2018 is theirs too. We’ve counted down the days until the season 13 premiere, and celebrated each new week as one that would send us closer to it. We’ve watched the trailer dozens of times, read every spoiler and welcomed them all with a smile, and a sigh of pure bliss tainted with impatience. Supernatural can’t disappoint me, simply because I am not in love with a concept, or a story, I am in love with the core of this show. Whatever direction they will go in, I will proudly and happily follow. I’m the definition of blind faith.
And the craziest thing was yet to come.
On September 28th, at 10.58 am, I’ve clicked on a little green button. I was shaking so much, I can’t actually believe I didn’t miss it.
At 10.59 am, I’ve received a mail, and my bank account was severed of a whole, consequent chunk of money. And nothing could make me happier. I’ve never been materialistic at all, I would rather buy experiences than objects.
And I’ve bought myself the experience of a lifetime.
Same time, next year, I’ll be in Paris airport. To take a nine-hours flight. To go to Vancouver. To meet the idjits who turned my miserable life into the most gigantic, insane, amazing, colorful and overall happy mess. Birmingham will be amazing, but this one is nothing short of a dream. I’m done waiting for them to come true. And I’m done apologizing for what I am, and for how I do things. There are a few people I am in urgent need to thank, for, basically, making my life a beautiful place back again…And there’s one miracle worker I am both terrified and overjoyed to meet.
This is the biggest thing I’ll ever do, and the craziest, and the happiest, and I’ve been on a high ever since. I thought I would regret jumping off such a high cliff, but there is nothing in there that’s not fueled with positivity and happiness and joy and the empowering feeling of living things to the fullest, rather than waiting for them to pass. I’ve never been so alive before, and I’ve never understood the beauty in believing in something so much it’s shaping me up in the form of who I want to be rather than who this world forced me to.
And this is coming from a TV show.
A simple, magical, otherworldly TV show.
The Winchesters are saving far more lives than they will ever understand, and there lies the most absurdly beautiful power of it all.
Weirdly enough, a few days ago, as Entertainment Weekly was celebrating the 13th season’s premiere, a few amazing videos were posted, of my beloved brothers and their amazing angel, or rather, Jared, Jensen and Misha, and among those, one about what they’d say to people who are about to watch Supernatural for the first time. Hitting close to home much…?
Understatement of the year, Jared. It’s not hard, it’s impossible. But why would anyone want to get away from this madhouse ? As far as happy places goes, this one’s the happiest.